Happy New Year China

Chinese New Year....well, I'm just calling it a redo-for my NYE 2010 night where I passed out somewhere around 10:30pm-2am...ya I COMPLETELY missed the midnight kiss opportunity, apparently I'm an amateur. So yesterday, there was this huge festival that was centered around Trafalgar Square and a parade walk through Leicester Square into China Town. So Jenna, Jenna's sister, Erika and I braved the crowds to see the festivities.

We started down by Westminster Abby, first grabbing our coffee's, cuz, HELLO, then making our way up to Trafalgar. The weather held up, it was surprisingly nice. We had some light rain, not heavy enough to warrant an umbrella, and the sun kept peaking out through the clouds. It was "nice" and hanging out in the 40's temperature wise. Once we got into Trafalgar, the crowds doubled. There was a huge stage setup at the base of the Lions, with traditional Chinese dancers, the square was lined with tents selling mainly beer (welcome to London). As we made our way into Leicester, we were half interested in the festivities, half interested in food and wholly interested in sitting. I was so beat by then. So we walked into china town about 2 feet, and then got overwhelmed with people before ducking into Waxy O'Conner's. We originally were planning on just having a drink and talking about options of places to go after we sat for a few. Well, then we ordered food, then we decided to see of there was a game on at Sports. At Sports we grabbed dinner, and watched ManU vs Liverpool. Then we headed over to O'Neils. We chilled at O'Neils for a couple drinks before heading over to a pub in Barbican called the Shakespeare. Needless to say we caused a bit of a scene in the tube (go figure) and pretty much everywhere we went. It was a great time, who knew that Chinese New Year would constitute multiple Irish pubs and way too much cider? So thank you China for having a new year.

Direction?? Who needs that??

So for one of my assignments I need to chose a future path, a direction, a passion to exploit. Here is my question, how the HELL am I supposed to do that when for the past four years I have been living in a moment to moment basis?? I don't know what I am doing later today let alone a year from now. Thats the beauty of being in recovery, your one goal is to make it to tonight....however, I don't see my Grad School professours appreciating that. So what it comes down to is trying to BS my way through a presentation, somehow incorporating things that I feel passionately about yet at the same time that Europeans will in no way appreciate or understand it. Sigh. If only I knew what a challenge a European Grad School would be....who are we kidding, I still would have come. I'm going to look at this as a skill building assignment, being able to sell something to someone who doesn't speak my language, if I can get these crazy people on board then I can do anything??

Anyways, on a side note, I feel the undeniable urge to BUY SOMETHING. I know that feeling is related to something other than actual purchasing. Probably the fact that Valentines day was yesterday. A group of us single American girls decided to go see the movie Valentines Day (yes, we are women and cliche...don't judge me) I bought all the girls tiny bottles of wine (there was my first mistake, I should have gotten HUGE bottles of wine!) and we enjoyed some candy and the flick before heading down to our favorite Irish Pub, Waxy O'Conners. We stayed for a couple drinks at Waxy's, enjoyed inappropriate conversations, laughed, and scoped before heading home. Unfortunately, the majority of us were sick :( so the night wasn't super satisfying, but it was nice to get out of my flat and enjoy the city with some friends.

I started searching for jobs in the States. We're at our halfway point now and I am beginning to feel the pressure of student loans and no employment. Granted I do have another 6 months after I get home to start paying these off, and thanks to some planning I currently have 0 bills and debt. I am planning on throwing a couple grand into my Mustang and using that as my daily driver when i get home. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I love that car and I miss driving in general. Thankfully it wont be the midst of summer when I get home, so overheating (the MAIN problem) won't be as much of an issue as it could be. My one concern really, is that driving the Mustang will remind me of memories and loved ones long since gone, people I miss daily without the constant reminder of the world of cars and their gifts. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe the car will just remind me of the good times, of my Grandpa helping me with the leaky break line as I barley made it to his driveway, or of my uncle racing me around the hood in his El Camino and putting $$ down that the Stang could take my cousins Vet in a heartbeat. We shall see, the only real test is actually getting behind the wheel again.

Until then the best I can do is enjoy every minute of my time here and the circus that is Monkey Island.

Cornwall

What can I say? Cornwall, it was an extended weekend full of laughter and adventure. We had to rent a car to get out to the coast (the train wouldn't drop us off close enough to the cabin we were staying in, and go figure, there are no car rental places out there). So a ford focus here we come. Well, at least thats what we reserved online, but when we showed up to Heathrow (an hour southwest of the city @ least) we were surprised to find we had a Nissan Euro "Medium" sized thingy. Well, by the time our 5 bags were loaded in the back, you couldn't see an ounce of daylight from the rear window. (But you could see a lovely hodgepodge of luggage and girly stuff). On the way out to the coast, we stopped off at Stonehenge. This is my impression of an eskimo in England. Ok, in all seriousness, it was COLD and that hood was entirely necessary.

So we casually take our time getting out to the seaside. (Which by the way I was singing "Seaside" by the Kooks then ENTIRE trip. Out loud. Ya, I didn't get annoying at all....) By the time we got to Tintagel (the little village where the Cabin was) it was dark (seeing that the sun goes to bed at like 4pm here). So we hit the town grocery store, which was no larger than a 7-11 and hunt for food. Of course priorities being what they are we wound up with 6 bottles of wine (for 5 girls) pizza's for dinner and some breakfast foods.

That night we just relaxed and enjoyed our dinner and our wine, until all the wine was gone and all of a sudden we were bumping old school jams. Then some one put on Nelly's Country Grammar album and it was all downhill from there. Before I knew it, Martha was pushing the sofas against the wall and dancing broke out. We just kept searching for songs that in their heydays were "the shit" but now, were just empty songs full of annoying lyrics that could only be considered "good" by the measure of the memories they held for us. As the night went on, and the more tired we became, I was suddenly filled with a sense of utter gratitude, for having such amazing friends out here.

I would be lying if I said there wasn't a little voice in the back of my head saying "sliced and diced" as we went to bed that night. I have never seen darkness like that. I was holing my hand in front of my face and I got nothing. Maybe it was the combination of win

e and exhaustion with country air, but flashes of "Dead Hooker" (aka Law and Order) were flashing through my head all night. Finally, the familiar beam of sunlight woke me just as it would have back in CA. So up I was, and heading for coffee in a pain daze from the night before. We must have danced for hours, we were all sore and bruised when we woke up.

That day we wasted inside, just peaking through the windows at the sunlight and the picturesque views of the combination of the countryside and ocean together. We watched movies and actual TV as we let the stress from the past couple weeks fade away. Of course we had to visit the 7-11 sorry excuse for a grocery store again. But instead of cooking dinner in, we decided it was time to try one of the 3 local pubs for some authentic cornwallian grub.

The next day we drove into Port Isaac (which I lovingly called Port Arthur the entire time, ya, I'm THAT cute/smart). So Martha (our fearless leader) took us on this hike along the seaside (insert Kooks

song here). Beaches don't exist here, so "along the seaside" means we were perched atop a cliff that was several hundred feet above the ocean with no handrails, no rigging, and in tennies crawling our way along. It was so cool...apparently, there are trails that connect the entire coast of England. If I had time to spare, I would so hike the entire lengthof the country.

After our jaunt around the coast, which was quiet rigorous I might add for a group of city girls who consider their hik

e to the tube everyday their "workout". Afterwards we were ready for food and a drink. So we headed to this little cute sandwich shop, but they only served cold sandwiches :( and it was FREEZING outside, so we really were more interested in warm food. So we try the pub next

store, but they don't serve food on Mondays (ya, welcome to England), so we try the Slipway hotel who stopped serving food about a half hour before we arrived, but were willing to help us out. So fish and chips + cornish cider = one happy Deb. In all the pubs we've been in, in all of London, that was the BEST cider I have ever had.

Post pub, we went back to cornwalls 7-11 grabbed yet another case of wine and dinner. We watched Glee and enjoyed our chill evening. It couldn't have

been better. We watched like 4 movies and just enjoyed the lack of responsibility and commitments. The next day was our last in the land of relaxation and solitude. We had to pack up and leave before 10am the next day. So on our way out of town we deci

ded to make one last stop. Apparently Tintagel is the city where Camelot once was. The ruins of King Arthur's Castle are perched atop a cliffside on the edge of the town.

So we parked and began our walk out. Little did we know how much of a hike we had in store. I mean I guess it makes sense, that a Castle would be incredibly difficult to get to. The people of T

intagel had built a wooden footbridge to connect the abyss between 2 cliff sides to access the ruins. It was exactly as you

would imagine...piles of stone everywhere, outlines of walls and corridors all with an incredible ocean view. It was very cool. Pictures don't do it an ounce of justice, but this will give you an idea....

Then when we decided we had had enough of Cornish Pasty, we headed back into the city. We all took turns driving and our chant became "Left, Left, Left, No, AHHHH Left!" as we ventured out of the countryside and into the city. All in all I am so glad I went, it was an amazing weekend full of laughter, fun and great friends.

King Arthur's Castle Ruins:

Spontaneous Adventures and the Piano Bar

Here we are amidst finals, spending each day at either a coffee shop or the library studying our asses off...so in an attempt to clear our heads, Jess and I went to see a movie last night. We had the brilliant idea to hit Sainsbury's before for a personalized sized bottle of wine to enjoy while viewing. GENUIS!

After the movie, it was still kinda early, and we were in our neighborhood, so we decided to walk down to the Piano Bar for another glass of wine before calling it a night. Well...our little spontaneous adventure turned into dancing our asses off for nearly 2 hours. By the time we left, it was nearly midnight (tube stops running @ midnight and Jess lives 2 stops away!)!! I was having SUCH an amazing time dancing that the thought of the hour never crossed my mind.

Its nights like these that amaze me and keep me excited to see what the next day will bring!

Battle of Resolutions

Ok...so I NEVER make New Years Resolutions, mainly for the following 2 reasons 1) Hello, they are SO destined to fail...that's just human nature. If you say you're not going to do something, the part of you that wants to be bad will immediately take over and screw you big time; and 2) I try to live each day being the best possible version of myself that I can possibly be...so resolutions aren't for the year but for each moment. BUT in the spirit of 2010 (most likely elevated by my violent entry into the year) here are some goals for the year....

1) I want to feel it all - I don't want to be afraid of the emotions I am so susceptible. This year I want to feel each emotion, whatever it may be and live in the moment. Be present. Time only marches on and I want to regret nothing.

2) No regrets. Fairly obvi...

3) Say yes. To everything. Remain open to new ideas and experiences.

4) To feel comfortable in my body, whatever weight, whatever shape...to love it and rock it. (lets be honest...that one fails often...but the intentions are good)

5) Manage my $$ better.

6) Let the people I love know how I feel about them.

There they are. 2010 started off a bit rocky, but thats just part of being on this road (and in my case its cobble stone and easily 300 years old). Let the battle of resolutions begin!

Ouch!

Why do I get so offended when someone un-friends me on effing facebook?? Like its a reflection on my actual personal life? While I love the connections and excitement that facebook can so easily bring to my life...my current disposition to the online social network is not of love as much as disdain. I realized last night that I got un-friended on facebook by 2 people that I never even really considered friends, they were more like acquaintances. Here's the kicker, I haven't spoken to either of them in easily over 2 years. So why am I so insulted? I guess due to the violent circumstances under which our ties were severed prompts me to assume only the worst in the situation (ie shit talking). I guess the past is never really in the past. It all comes down to the "F" in me that wants so desperately to be liked and accepted by people (even if I think they are shit head ass holes), but I guess thats just part of the joy of being human and the benefit of emotions. So to those so unfriendly people, I say sianara mother fucker!

Grrrr. and not in the fun way.

Sometimes I feel like being here, I am losing part of myself (mainly the carefree la-ti-da spirit I left CA with). I know that on some level that sounds ridiculous. But at the same time lest be honest, there is NO way that this place is not changing me. So that begs the question, is the change for the better?

Today, I got really internally upset (the WORST kind of upset...the un-announced kind) over something so insignificant. And I think the action of me being upset, is actually MORE UPSETTING. Maybe I'm just getting my period or something, but I have a policy in life to not sweat the small stuff, and I am breaking that policy all over the place today (resulting in passive aggressive grunting and pssh-ing in public). But maybe thats just the journey of life. Breaking rules, and figuring out how to do it better the next time.

So today, I give into the emotions, I feel the aggravation (I passive aggressively give a dirty look as I mumble the lie of "no worries" under my breath) and keep moving along. I refuse to take ownership of the action that caused the aggravation, thats not mine to feel. But the effects are felt and learned. Tomorrow is a new day and fresh start.